So nobody has posted on here in just about a year and a half. Im pretty sure that means a blog is dead. Nevertheless I wanted to write, and I was seeking relative anonymity, but not like create your own secret blog anonymity. I mean you guys could read this, heck I guess anyone could, but I wonder when the last time anyone checked this was? I probably do semi-annually (does that have a - in it? semi-annually, I think so, I just changed it.) Well right now I am 28 years old, my body is currently in Central African Republic where my job has taken me. It seems like a really exciting cool job, I travel around the world, well really mostly East and Central Africa and meet with people. I don't feel super alive doing it. At this particular moment I can't think of a whole lot that I would feel particularly alive doing. I am dating a girl named Diandra and she is wonderful, but I think that things are about to end. See her family doesn't like me, and she is super close with her family. Particularly her dad doesn't like me. He also happens to be my boss. Apparently he likes me at work, but not with his daughter. I guess I signed up for this when I started dating her. Basically he says I am not good enough for her. I don't have enough class, I don't have enough ambition, and I'm not strong enough. That's what I hear at least, I haven't had the chance to talk to him about it. I know it makes me sound like a pussy, but I just feel pretty defeated, because I know that Diandra can't get past that. We are very different (she isnt black you stereotyping SOB's), but that has worked really well for us. Things haven't been perfect, but I don't know that they are supposed to look perfect. Maybe we are too different. Honestly I don't know what to look for anymore though. I don't know like what to do or where to go. It's gonna be really hard for me to stay at work if this does end. I just feel like if her dad basically ends this because I am not good enough for his daughter, I don't know, it would be hard for me to continue to work for his organization. But all in all it feels dead...
I think I am being a bit dramatic here, I mean I had my doubts about it before all this. Diandra though, she didn't. She was ready to get married, and that's why this feels so crazy. We were talking on the phone yesterday and she was like so discouraged about things everything changed so fast. I'm not ready to be done though. I think things can be great for us. I feel like she adds so much to me, and I think we can be such a fantastic team. I don't know... I don't know about these things...
Anyway my heart is just discouraged. Thats pretty emo to say, but it's just how I feel. I feel like for this relationship to continue it needs to be resurrected. I want it to be resurrected. I mean I guess that's something I believe in, and really I feel like for this to continue it has to be a miracle from God. That would be pretty fly. I think that is what I am going to pray for, a miracle.
