Hosana

So, anyone who has been around me long enough knows that I'm a little gay about Andrew Peterson. The quote at the top of this blog is from him. He just had a new album come out titled, Resurrection Letters, Vol. II. The reason for volume 2 coming out before volume 1 is because this album is about resurrection in our own lives:

These songs are bound together by the theme of resurrection in our lives and in the world around us. It wasn't until we were recording the album that I knew I wanted to tell a bigger story, and that this would be part two. Part one is Christ's resurrection, which made a way for ours; it was the turning point in the Great Story.

The first half is absolutely amazing. I'm still working through the middle portion of the album. After reading Tim's post, I though his song, "Hosanna," would be appropriate (actually, so would "All You'll Ever Need").

I am tangled up in contradiction.
I am strangled by my own two hands.
I am hunted by the hounds of addiction.
Hosanna!
I have lied to everyone who trusts me.
I have tried to fall when I could stand.
I have only loved the one who loved me.
Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
See the long awaited king come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Come and tear the temple down. Raise it up on holy ground.
Hosanna!

I have struggled to remove the raiment,
tried to hide every shimmering strand.
I contend with these ghosts and these hosts of bright angels.
Hosanna!
I have cursed the man that you have made me.
I have nursed the beast that bays for my blood.
Oh, I have run from the one who would save me.
Save me, Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
See the long awaited king, come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Come and tear the temple down. Raise it up on holy ground.
Hosanna!

We cry for blood, and we take your life.
Hosanna!
We cry for blood, and we take your life.
It is blood, it is life that you have given.

You have crushed beneath your heel the vile serpent.
You have carried to the grave the black stain.
You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain.
You have beaten Death at Death's own game.
Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
Hail the long awaited king, come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Won't you tear this temple down, raise it up on holy ground.
O Hosanna!
I will lift my voice and sing: you have come and washed me clean. Hosanna.

If you have a chance to see his Christmas show, "Behold the Lamb of God," I highly recommend it. Phenomenal musicians. Last year he had Ron Block of Union Station, and a couple of years ago he had Alison Krauss. Plus, hammer dulcimer.

now you are giving me the freak out.

so i get freaked out, ok?

I also pass out when i get blood taken. It's a completely involuntary response...I know the needle doesn't hurt...I don't even really mind that feeling of the blood leaving my arm. A couple weeks ago when I had my blood screened at work I tried my hardest not to pass out, but I was gone even before she had put the needle in my arm. It's the weirdest thing. The weirdest feeling to feel all your blood leave your extremities and to still be somewhat conscious that all your organs are shutting down. It's painful, but you're scarcely aware of it happening, yet still somehow completely aware. (maybe you've never fainted and don't have this problem--i guess you'll just have to take my word for it)

I've got another involuntary response, and I can't seem to gain any control over it. I get freaked out in relationships. The thought of things being serious or moving toward seriousness causes me to shut down completely. It's the weirdest thing. The weirdest feeling to have all your insecurities and past failures flood in at the same time and overwhelm you. It's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of mistake. Fear of not being enough. It's shame. Shame for past failures. Shame for present shortcomings. Shame of the current insecurities which I should've moved past long ago. It's Lies. Lies that consistently plague and haunt and run through the corridors of my mind infiltrating every room with their stench.

Luckily that's not what the gospel is all about. Unfortunately (or more accurately, fortunately) I am still learning how the gospel really applies to life, to me. What it means to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, to take captive every thought. Understanding that conceptually isn't too hard, but the practice of it is quite different altogether. I live in my mind, in a world of hypotheticals, in a world of solving problems even if they don't exist, in a world of unconscious thinking. It's one of my biggest struggles to regulate my brain and how it thinks--and I've just started to realize recently how big of a difference what you think makes.

In a couple weeks I'm attending a seminar called Discovery, with the intent and purpose of looking at the ways I show up in life, the thoughts and emotions that are behind those actions, and then at the core what beliefs guide those thoughts and actions (think of three concentric circles with what you believe at the center). I've realized for a long time that I often don't show up in life the way that I would want to, and too often diagnosed that specifically as the problem...i.e. if I could just quit doing this then that would fall into place, not willing to admit that the problem is really deeper. The past several years for me has been a journey into the heart (and severely hard). I am starting to see some of the deeper thought/emotion issues behind the actions, but still have yet to connect those thoughts to the things I believe that just simply aren't true. What's hard is those beliefs have been shaped through 27 years of people and experience and reinforcement that they're pretty strongly rooted there. Like do I believe that a strong and healthy marriage is possible? I know it should be, but I don't really believe it. I haven't seen it intimately enough in my own life (other than glimpses into some of my friends) to really believe it's something I could achieve. The example of my parents outweighs everything else I've ever seen, mostly because I know it's their blood that courses through my veins. How many things like that do I believe deep down in my core that affect my thoughts and emotions and actions? That cause me to freak out all the time? That trigger the involuntary responses that I wish I could just simply mentally control and move past?

I'm in a study at work about the life of transformation through the gospel. It's been really good for me after the first two sessions, and one of the phrases that I've resonated with is 'learning to preach the gospel to ourselves.' I have to continually be preaching to myself that what God says about me, what the Bible says about me, is true. That grace steps in where I fail and where I succeed. That we do not have a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. That I am forgiven. That I am a child of the God of the Universe. That love covers a multitude of sins. That I cannot EVER be good enough, and to think that I can is perhaps the biggest LIE that I can ever believe. That His LOVE is STRONG.

"why should i worry?
why do i freak out?
God knows what i need..."
-Jon Foreman "Your Love is Strong"

"The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation...
...Hallelujah, he's right"
-Shanes "Embracing Accusation"

ultimate drummer

you gotta wait about 45 seconds, but this is pretty rad.

just came across this band...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFCRMonf7lI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBTUAHGpQqE

me like.

sweet mother

earth

man hug

Want to know how to give a manly hug and do all sorts of other things manly?

better churches

Speaking of community and churches and stuff, I experienced something that made me a little embarrassed/ashamed. And I'm not even a part of this church. I was embarrassed because what I saw is something that I know I've done to some degree.

Every Tuesday and Thursday the seminary has chapel. Either a professor will give the sermon/lecture or they'll bring in someone. This past Tuesday the pastor from Sojourn Church spoke. Sojourn isn't an SBC church, but it's Southern Baptist affiliated (whatever that really means). It's kind of seen as the black sheep of the family, because it's located in the artsy part of town and actually reaches out to their community. If you want to see a church that has contextualized to fit their community, Sojourn is a good one to look at. They use more artistic (not charismatic) expressions in their services. So you can imagine what that does for a stuffy seminary student.

*I must note here that this stuff isn't based simply on my observations. Several of the people I hang out with go to Sojourn and are very upset with their church members for their actions.

Apparently some of the people decided they wanted to come hear their pastor speak and thought it would be great to wear really dingy clothes, because that's what everyone expects of them. But why not just wear the clothes you would normally wear? Wouldn't doing anything different be a lie, and even be prideful (if not borderline idolatry)?

They didn't do this, but some people did get their early and block off a section for their people to sit in. I don't have a problem with wanting to sit together. But I do have a problem with people who normally sit on the complete other side of chapel sitting in the Sojourn section because that's where you're supposed to sit. No, you should sit with your friends whom you normally sit with every Tuesday and Thursday. Don't abandon them because your church is there.

There were also a number of people who have not been to chapel all year and (as one person told me) won't be back. Is your pastor really that phenomenal of a speaker and that connected with God that he's the only one who can teach you anything?

What this all comes down to is how many times have you thought your church was better than another church.? And if you go to some other church (maybe there's a specific church you can identify) you're wasting your time, or you're less 'godly' (lowercase for a reason), or the church is just less cool than your church. Because a lot of people treat(ed) Status as their church, I gave Discovery Church as a whole a negative perception, and thought that Summit was better. I now know that Discovery is a great church with lots of Godly men and women.

Basically, no church is better than any other church. Now, if a church is teaching unsound doctrine, then that church is probably less than other churches. But no church is better than any other church. Graceland Baptist Church where Gentry and I go is no better than Summit, which is no better than New Life Church of God, which is no better than Willow Creek. We are all the body of believers redeemed, sanctified, and made holy for the glory of God. So let's act it. Let's stop cometing with each other to see who has the better church.

PS. Sojourn's new sermon series is based on Roman's 12. Watch the video on their website.