guess who's back?

as it would seem with most recent posts, I should apologize for my absence as of late, however, I do not. Deal with it.

As a brief overview this is more of an update about me and the story I find myself in (or at least hope one day to find myself in) more so than a theological treatise or metaphysical question or a picture or how plants perform. so here goes. (and my apologies for all the parentheses)

It seems that every time I arrive back home to Orlando this summer I have the same thought: "I can't believe I get to do what I get to do." Since reporting to staff with Crusade's Conference Team (and SV), I have been having a blast. I love what I get to do (reminiscent of the ole FCA days--and as a side note, rachel told me this weekend of how the new leadership made a remark about asking the old school FCA people a question, referring to Jimmy and Derek. How's that make you feel??), I love the people I get to do it with (you are not allowed to misquote that), and I love the people I get to meet from all over the world.

I sat in a Mexican Restaurant in Colorado with a guy from who-knows-where that has lived in Beijing for the last 6 years, and he talked of the climate of people's hearts toward the gospel there, of the groupthink mindset that replaces personal rights with a country's honor that made Communism look favorable to 1.3 billion people (and also of how he thinks that number is severely underestimated by the government, which has all control of such things, for economic reasons, so that all of their per capita numbers look favorable when compared with the rest of the world). He told of a student meeting that happened on the third floor of a hotel in the middle of nowhere. This meeting was illegal. On the second floor of the hotel was a police convention that same weekend. By the grace of God they had no problems.

I listened as a family shared how they could walk away from a $180,000/yr salary to take their seven kids to a country that allows its denizens only one child. because that's where God has called them to be for the next year.

And though it's awesome to love where I am at in life right now (especially when juxtaposed with the two years prior), this weekend has me thinking again (big surprise). Every time I hear the story about how Summit started I get to thinking. (In brief, John Parker called Isaac one day and said "you know that church we've always talked about planting? I think it's time. And I'm all in. Just let me know when you're ready.") Every time I hear that story I feel like it's closer to my time to doing what it is that God has called me to do (in a bigger, more global sense than what I feel like I'm doing now, more on that later...). I wonder what my role will be in that story. When it's time for me to make that phone call. Who it is that I'll make that phone call to. Or perhaps when I get a phone call. I look forward to that day, but humbly, because i know with that comes a lot of heartache I would never wish for, a lot of responsibility I'm not ready to accept, a vision and calling that even though it may not even make sense in words (if it can be expressed in words at all) I must be willing to die for, and a driving peace that is steadfast in any storm, even if intangible.

What I do now I love. I know this is where God has me for this season. But I can't help but think about what is up next. And to be intentional about learning what He's got for me here and now. One of those things is a love for the gospel. I'll be the first to admit I'm a bit complacent when it comes to the gospel. There's a lot I don't know. There's a lot I don't care to know. There's a lot that can't be known. But I think Dan said it well a few months back about when we question how come God isn't doing something, and we aren't doing that very thing we complain about. We are His hands and feet. If there is a problem with the world, it's because there is a problem with us. If there is something that needs fixing, we are to fix it. If there is something that needs rescuing, we are to rescue. If something needs redemption, then hell, boys, let's get on it. The Gospel means good news, and I've started seeing how it is so much richer than just good news about our individual status on a roll call that gets us into heaven and excuses us from our sins (not to minimize that in the least). When I am generous, that is good news for the recipient and the benefactor. When I am loving, that is good news for the loved and the lover.

There is a lot still for me to learn, and I will never learn it all before God says Go (if He will indeed do so), but I can see within myself a moving again toward His heart, a desire for what He desires, regardless the cost. It is in no way complete, but it's kind of like when you're walking up to the stadium and you faintly hear in the distance beyond the sound of a cannon. You know you're walking into a party, even though you're not quite there yet.