re-beach

dan, i'm glad you did decide to post that. i didn't think it was simple at all, but even if i had, it's often the simple things we need to be reminded of the most.

i was thinking indirectly about that same thing this morning on my drive in to work. i, too, want people to like me at least in part because of me. i'm not real good with this unconditional love stuff. perhaps i've been required by people closest to me to earn their love, perhaps i've too often (or continually) require of people to earn my love. at any rate, i find that i associate my identity by the things i associate myself with (school, grades, music, sports, etc.). those things seem to continually change in my life. i agree that i want someone to love me regardless of what i do or who i am, but i find it so hard to accept that. i even try to push that away. it's hard for me to accept my identity that jesus loves me irregardless.

i desperately want to be more like shannon in that regard--that i would accept everyone i meet instead of sizing them up and making decisions on whether they are worth my love or attention. i'd also like to understand where my predisposition to be the opposite of that comes from (did i feel like i needed to earn someone's love growing up?, is it part of personality or temperament traits?, is it a product of the fall?), but i don't want to wait on that understanding to become the person i should become