"What are you waiting for?"

The question, hanging in the air, was posed by John Karakker, and obviously had some twist on it that he wasn't quite ready to explain, mostly cause he wanted us to wrestle not only with our initial reaction to the question, but also with what the question could also mean. When rephrased, it turned out to be something of the sort, "I eagerly expect..." or "I can't wait for the day when..."

In thinking about what I'm waiting for, I realized that most of mine were of the type former, where each of us had initially viewed the question in terms of..."What are you waiting for to get off your ass and do something?" I feel like there are a lot of things that I am still waiting for or on. The list I compiled one morning this week overlooking the St. Johns follows. I hope your lists will as well.

I, in part, long to get married. I long for that intimacy with someone, someone to talk to and commune with, to love and to cherish, til death do us part. In a sense, the rest of my life hangs in that balance, is waiting on that. When asked if I like my job, I say, "For now. I love to travel and love what I do, but it will be tough to do what I do when I have a family..." I am waiting to start my 'adult' life until I have met he and we can chart that out together. What comes next for me hinges on her. In the meantime, I continue doing what I'm doing now because it's the closes thing to a calling that I have yet to experience, and because I somewhat enjoy myself.

I am waiting to grow up spiritually. Parents have to remind their children to brush their teeth. Make your bed. Go to class. Read that book. But not always. It'd be sad if my mom called every night to remind me to brush my teeth. I feel as if I've ventured out into the part of life where God is giving me the opportunity to mature and develop in my trust of Him by not holding my hand anymore. Where it used to seem so easy to know what I should move to next...

I long for the day when God tells me what to do. When I have a pure and holy passion. When I feel right about being in a relationship and want to pursue that out of love and who I am (and more importantly who Christ is working in me to be) instead of a place of obligation and feeling like I have to. Life was so black and white when He led me by the hand. I'm not real good at this whole making decisions that impact the rest of your life business...especially without reinforcement.

I long for the day when I don't feel like I am just drifting through life, but actually engaging and tackling it. This comes primarily from my need to achieve and succeed at what I do. In college I felt like I was living 100% out of my purpose, and since then I sort of feel as if I'm not sure what my next purpose is--and so I try to enage life, the lift that I've got, at least, day by day, the best I can, in a way just waiting for the day when I feel like I'm firing on all cylinders again.

I am waiting for restoration. Depression is not fun, and there are still too many days (and in too many ways) where I wrestle with depression and don't feel quite back to normal. I long for, and I'm waiting for, the day when that thorn is taken from my side, and for some reason I start to lose hope when I feel like Paul--that just perhaps it may never be so. If I were a city I'd be St. Petersburg or London or Seattle...almost eternally cloudy. I know that the sun exists beyond those clouds, it'd just be nice to see it once in a while...

I am waiting for the day that I understand the gospel and grace such that I let it make application in my life. that I won't live with fear or dread or self-deprecation or pride or selfishness or shame or regret. That Christ living in me and loving me is the only acceptance I need. That the gospel would be come my initial reaction instead of a vague afterthought...

I long for the redemption of the world, when things are set to right.

I am waiting for the renewing of my mind.