Hey Josh, since you're interested in art I thought I'd share this.
Check out his site for all the crazy stuff he's done: http://philinthecircle.com/index.html
You can also find him on YouTube by searching for philinthecirlce.
You'll waste a lot of time with this one.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
the ly's
Firstly, I am happy to say that I am happy for the happiness that musty surely lie around the corner. However, looking back at a post of mine not long ago where I told you that we are all in seasons, I question whether I should fear that happiness does not lie around MY corner. I bet it does. I could be wrong. I hope you guys will be there for me if I am wallowing face down in the mud.
Secondly, the Sundance movie festival is going on right now and I am exorbitantly jealous that my wife got to talk to Jack Black and see Bono on the same day.
Thirdly, I must ask myself how many (#)-ly statements I can make up.
Fourthly, I obviously am not worried about it.
Fifthly, I just hope I know how to spell them all.
Sixthly, Diana and I were talking last night about where we are supposed to be next. We really only know that we should be here for a few more months. After that, who knows. There is a seemingly heavy weight when we think about what will be next. It is not a weight of anything more than unsurety, and it is not incredibly heavy, but it is on my shoulders. We love moving around, but at some point I feel like we have to settle down- at least if we want to ever make any money.
Seventhly, I have this weird phenomenon occurring where I just plain don't feel spiritual lately. We are in a small group, which I really love. The people are great, etc. But we were asked what we should study next. We are supposed to share our thoughts tomorrow night with everyone. I don't HAVE any thoughts. I feel like this is the first time in my life that I don't have an opinion. It is almost as if my own opinion has been stripped from me. That could be good, like my will being given up, but I don't think that is what is going on here. I just don't want to become apathetic.
Eighthly, if you are still reading. I applaud you.
Ninthly, I'm out.
Secondly, the Sundance movie festival is going on right now and I am exorbitantly jealous that my wife got to talk to Jack Black and see Bono on the same day.
Thirdly, I must ask myself how many (#)-ly statements I can make up.
Fourthly, I obviously am not worried about it.
Fifthly, I just hope I know how to spell them all.
Sixthly, Diana and I were talking last night about where we are supposed to be next. We really only know that we should be here for a few more months. After that, who knows. There is a seemingly heavy weight when we think about what will be next. It is not a weight of anything more than unsurety, and it is not incredibly heavy, but it is on my shoulders. We love moving around, but at some point I feel like we have to settle down- at least if we want to ever make any money.
Seventhly, I have this weird phenomenon occurring where I just plain don't feel spiritual lately. We are in a small group, which I really love. The people are great, etc. But we were asked what we should study next. We are supposed to share our thoughts tomorrow night with everyone. I don't HAVE any thoughts. I feel like this is the first time in my life that I don't have an opinion. It is almost as if my own opinion has been stripped from me. That could be good, like my will being given up, but I don't think that is what is going on here. I just don't want to become apathetic.
Eighthly, if you are still reading. I applaud you.
Ninthly, I'm out.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
"things are changing though..."
I agree with Dan. I've definitely been down and dark more recently than I have most of my life. That translates into the way I do relationships, the way I approach relationships, the way I write. Friday night I got to attend a Student Venture high school conference meeting. There was nothing entirely spectacular about the meeting itself, but while I was there, talking with the people I'd be working with, watching the students I'll be ministering to, thinking about the last year and how I've felt as though I've been following, being obedient, but not entirely sure why, just moving as best as I can in a direction that I might should move in. Friday night, I, for the first time in a couple years, got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that said, "you were made for this." I felt as though the last year hasn't been in vain. That God is moving me somewhere. That He's got a reason for me being here. I can't say that it's been easy to trust that that past year, but I tried to believe it was true. It was really nice to get a small, fleeting glimpse that God is still working and has something yet for me. I'm almost sure it won't ever get easy, and I'm not exactly sure I want it to. It's been a rough season. Things are changing though.
O Captain, my Dodgeball Captain
In many ways I’ve outgrown middle school. I’ve traded in my bowl cut, my baggy jean shorts, replaced my acne with back hair, and don’t giggle every time I hear the words “doing it” (plus I at least have some idea of what that actually means now). However in some ways I have yet to grow out of my middle school tendencies.
Insecurity reigns in me like it does on the middle school Dodgeball floor. Sometimes I am the captain and I get to decide who’s on my team, who’s cool or talented enough for me to hang out with, who I’m willing to invest in, and knowing I hold this power, I often use it not so much to my advantage as to the disadvantage of others. Other times I’m the sheepish, uncoordinated kid left wondering when he’s going to get picked. When does someone I look up to finally recognize my potential? When will a relationship ever work?
I have a tendency to polarize life into binary extremes. What’s even worse is that I live in those extremes, and vacillate between them, often many times within the day. I can be filled with hope that I’m dong the right thing and moving in the right direction one minute and in the next be ready to scrap the whole thing. One minute I could conquer the whole world with my bare hands and then next I can’t imagine what it would be like to uncurl myself from the fetal position. I can trust Christ with all anxieties, and cast my cares upon him and a moment later be consumed with worry.
I am completely secure about a lot of things in my life, and just recently I realized perhaps my deepest insecurity. I generally don’t care what my hair looks like or what clothes I wear (obviously), and could care less what other people think about the same. I like who I am and who I’m becoming and where I’ve been. I wouldn’t associate myself with the words insecurity, but it’s asinine how much a small insecurity can grow if unaware or left unchecked.
I wonder what it would look like if I grew out of middle school? If I could be completely secure in my own skin? It’s something that I’ve seen modeled very little, at least in the day to day. Unfortunately, the person who probably should have modeled it for me the most is too insecure to play at a game of Scattegories with the ones he’s closest to for fear of looking the fool. What would it look like if I not just recognized, but realized—gave reality to—the notion that life is not always a series of fundamental extremes but viewed it—nay, lived it—as a continuum, a mystery, as more than just an endless set of contradictions and trade offs. It’s not as black and white as I once thought, as I’ve always been told. That doesn’t make things grey, it just means the world as we know it is not limited to two color tones, but exists in the fullness of all colors, of unlimited color. It’s a world too beautiful for the eyes that are only willing to see it in dichromatic (let alone monochromatic) fashion. It’s tough to relearn everything.
I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about relationships, unless negatively. “He’s only a few years away from 30, why’s he still single? He’ll be bald, soon, you know. You can see it coming on.” “You got a girlfriend yet? Better get on that.” Being single meant something was wrong with you. At best, you were to be pitied.
My insecurity runs deeper than just being piteous, than wondering what it is that’s wrong with me, and even deeper than feeling like things will just never work out, although I’m sure those each have their place and make their own impressions. It is rooted in my perception of who God is. God, for a long time, has been my Dodgeball Captain. I get selected for His team when something goes well for me, and when things go bad, I’m left standing on the court wondering if (and why) I’ll be standing on the sidelines forever. And when it comes to relationships, it often seems like it will be forever (or the antithetic moiety it’s gonna happen real soon). “Oooh, Oooh, Pick Me, Pick Me!! When is it going to be my turn? There goes Trey, and Chin, and Josh, and … When are you gonna pick me?” It’s the inferior players that remain on the court.
Fortunately we don’t have to live in middle school forever. God’s loving me does not hinge upon him “picking” me—He’s already picked me, He already loves me, He is good and He is faithful and He is trustworthy. He’s already proved that and the circumstances in my life don’t change any of that.
On another note…my shrink, who shall henceforward be referred to as Dave, since that’s his name, says, “I wish you’d spend the same amount of passion and creativity in your relationships as you do with your facial hair.”
Insecurity reigns in me like it does on the middle school Dodgeball floor. Sometimes I am the captain and I get to decide who’s on my team, who’s cool or talented enough for me to hang out with, who I’m willing to invest in, and knowing I hold this power, I often use it not so much to my advantage as to the disadvantage of others. Other times I’m the sheepish, uncoordinated kid left wondering when he’s going to get picked. When does someone I look up to finally recognize my potential? When will a relationship ever work?
I have a tendency to polarize life into binary extremes. What’s even worse is that I live in those extremes, and vacillate between them, often many times within the day. I can be filled with hope that I’m dong the right thing and moving in the right direction one minute and in the next be ready to scrap the whole thing. One minute I could conquer the whole world with my bare hands and then next I can’t imagine what it would be like to uncurl myself from the fetal position. I can trust Christ with all anxieties, and cast my cares upon him and a moment later be consumed with worry.
I am completely secure about a lot of things in my life, and just recently I realized perhaps my deepest insecurity. I generally don’t care what my hair looks like or what clothes I wear (obviously), and could care less what other people think about the same. I like who I am and who I’m becoming and where I’ve been. I wouldn’t associate myself with the words insecurity, but it’s asinine how much a small insecurity can grow if unaware or left unchecked.
I wonder what it would look like if I grew out of middle school? If I could be completely secure in my own skin? It’s something that I’ve seen modeled very little, at least in the day to day. Unfortunately, the person who probably should have modeled it for me the most is too insecure to play at a game of Scattegories with the ones he’s closest to for fear of looking the fool. What would it look like if I not just recognized, but realized—gave reality to—the notion that life is not always a series of fundamental extremes but viewed it—nay, lived it—as a continuum, a mystery, as more than just an endless set of contradictions and trade offs. It’s not as black and white as I once thought, as I’ve always been told. That doesn’t make things grey, it just means the world as we know it is not limited to two color tones, but exists in the fullness of all colors, of unlimited color. It’s a world too beautiful for the eyes that are only willing to see it in dichromatic (let alone monochromatic) fashion. It’s tough to relearn everything.
I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about relationships, unless negatively. “He’s only a few years away from 30, why’s he still single? He’ll be bald, soon, you know. You can see it coming on.” “You got a girlfriend yet? Better get on that.” Being single meant something was wrong with you. At best, you were to be pitied.
My insecurity runs deeper than just being piteous, than wondering what it is that’s wrong with me, and even deeper than feeling like things will just never work out, although I’m sure those each have their place and make their own impressions. It is rooted in my perception of who God is. God, for a long time, has been my Dodgeball Captain. I get selected for His team when something goes well for me, and when things go bad, I’m left standing on the court wondering if (and why) I’ll be standing on the sidelines forever. And when it comes to relationships, it often seems like it will be forever (or the antithetic moiety it’s gonna happen real soon). “Oooh, Oooh, Pick Me, Pick Me!! When is it going to be my turn? There goes Trey, and Chin, and Josh, and … When are you gonna pick me?” It’s the inferior players that remain on the court.
Fortunately we don’t have to live in middle school forever. God’s loving me does not hinge upon him “picking” me—He’s already picked me, He already loves me, He is good and He is faithful and He is trustworthy. He’s already proved that and the circumstances in my life don’t change any of that.
On another note…my shrink, who shall henceforward be referred to as Dave, since that’s his name, says, “I wish you’d spend the same amount of passion and creativity in your relationships as you do with your facial hair.”
Thursday, January 17, 2008
how to save a life...
so i think that some wounds never heal. i didnt really wanna spend tonight crying, remembering untolerable guilt and pain. there have been so many good things going on in life lately, and i just wanted to watch some of LOST season 3. i grab my sister in laws video ipod to do just that, and the one song it happened to be on out of the entire ipod's library was the fray's how to save a life. probably the only song in the world that makes me think specifically about josh overton, and my inability to save his life. so i listen to it, and weep, and mourn his taking his life again. i mourn for my pain, and his familys pain, and his friends pain, and so many other people's pain. i know that i have gotten a lot better since last april 5th. God has healed me a lot, probably much more than even i know, but i think innately i know that this pain is something i will never be totally free of. every spring break i will remember josh, everytime i hear that song i will remember josh, everytime i hear the date april 5th ill remember him. and i know all the "true" things, i know its not my fault, i know God is in charge of all things, i know that was josh's time, i know all of that...but that doesnt make it go away. the tears still flow freely...even as i type...
i think everyone probably has things that they will always remember that will always cause them pain. this is one of mine. i wanted to write about it bc i think its theraputic for me to do that. i also feel like thus far on this blog i have been way more down and dark than is normal for me. things are changing though, so dont get used to these kinds of posts, God has extraordinarly blessed me lately, and maybe soon ill write about that stuff, but for tonight this is me...
i love you all, i think thats probably true of anyone who actually reads this blog, so take it to heart...bfn
i think everyone probably has things that they will always remember that will always cause them pain. this is one of mine. i wanted to write about it bc i think its theraputic for me to do that. i also feel like thus far on this blog i have been way more down and dark than is normal for me. things are changing though, so dont get used to these kinds of posts, God has extraordinarly blessed me lately, and maybe soon ill write about that stuff, but for tonight this is me...
i love you all, i think thats probably true of anyone who actually reads this blog, so take it to heart...bfn
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
double-timer
dudes- I must admit. Mine eyes have been awandering. I have another blog. I do apologize. I still love you guys though. The other one is for business stuff. I'm just trying to find cool creative stuff and post about it. (I haven't been posting a lot there either- but there's a couple cool things.) You guys can check it out though at The ABJURE project: Photography thatll make you happy
#24
Watch Dan BUST while trying to kitesurf.
and I guess #25 would be buy Chin a beer after he kills a bear
and I guess #25 would be buy Chin a beer after he kills a bear
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