Love Came Down At Christmas (or A Nativity Dirge)

So is hope supposed to be found in you? Cause tonight, of all nights, I can't seem to find any.

Does that mean my connection is bad? Is my receiver broken? Why do I, tonight, of all nights, feel so lost and helpless and hopeless? Isn't Christmas Eve the beginning of Hope, the birth of Hope, the night we set aside to mark the coming of Hope into this world, with all the limitations of humanity, yet still with Power enough to change it?

If hope comes in You then am I not in You? If love came down at Christmas, why do I feel so unloved, so abandoned, still? So incapable of loving or ever being loved? How come even knowing that people love me doesn't seem to make any difference in how I feel?

I know my hope is not found in them, but tonight I had so many reminders of where I've failed at loving and being loved...I still can't think of Laura without getting depressed, let alone see her and hear others talk about how great she is...I equally love and hate being around Melissa once a year, tonight, of all nights, because I've always wanted to have the chance to like her...seeing Patricia and her mom and knowing that I wasn't strong enough to make that work...seeing Amanda and her parents, who looked at me with scorn and wouldn't acknowledge me when I tried to make eye contact with them, and knowing I was too particular to give that a shot...and one by one seeing people who have stepped into my life and I've stepped out of theirs and I realize, yet again...that I have no hope of ever being truly happy--that is if hope comes from Someone, or perhaps is something that just happens.

What good is a hope that is inaccessible cause I'm not good enough or smart enough (or dumb enough) or obedient enough or surrendered enough? What good is a hope that doesn't exist when I feel I need it most? Does how I feel even matter? Is hope or joy something that I'm responsible for conjuring up on my own? Is it just a different way of thinking? Is there some Secret about thinking positively and good things will happen?

Why does brokenness have to last so long? What am I supposed to learn in this? (Is that all this is for, so that I learn something a little new, or gain a new perspective? Is that the trade in all of this?) How do You expect me to trust when You seem so suspect? Why is my perspective not more like Job's or the three from the fiery furnace--that regardless the circumstance (or perhaps how I feel) I would never want to impugn your character or call into question your faithfulness?

Or is this what hope is supposed to feel like? Am I just too quick to call it despair? Do You just allow me to feel this way or are you the cause, the very source, of it?

What's with the nagging stomachache that stalks me? Is this just my new normal, or should I expect more from you, believe that you can heal and restore and love and forgive? Am i to just learn to live with these ominous storm clouds and nebulous, swirling thoughts, or is there ever hope of silver-lined clouds and sunsets? When can I feel again all that is not pain?

If love came down at Christmas, if tonight is the night that you chose to visit earth, could you please visit me? I sure feel like I could use that right about now.

Hosana

So, anyone who has been around me long enough knows that I'm a little gay about Andrew Peterson. The quote at the top of this blog is from him. He just had a new album come out titled, Resurrection Letters, Vol. II. The reason for volume 2 coming out before volume 1 is because this album is about resurrection in our own lives:

These songs are bound together by the theme of resurrection in our lives and in the world around us. It wasn't until we were recording the album that I knew I wanted to tell a bigger story, and that this would be part two. Part one is Christ's resurrection, which made a way for ours; it was the turning point in the Great Story.

The first half is absolutely amazing. I'm still working through the middle portion of the album. After reading Tim's post, I though his song, "Hosanna," would be appropriate (actually, so would "All You'll Ever Need").

I am tangled up in contradiction.
I am strangled by my own two hands.
I am hunted by the hounds of addiction.
Hosanna!
I have lied to everyone who trusts me.
I have tried to fall when I could stand.
I have only loved the one who loved me.
Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
See the long awaited king come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Come and tear the temple down. Raise it up on holy ground.
Hosanna!

I have struggled to remove the raiment,
tried to hide every shimmering strand.
I contend with these ghosts and these hosts of bright angels.
Hosanna!
I have cursed the man that you have made me.
I have nursed the beast that bays for my blood.
Oh, I have run from the one who would save me.
Save me, Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
See the long awaited king, come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Come and tear the temple down. Raise it up on holy ground.
Hosanna!

We cry for blood, and we take your life.
Hosanna!
We cry for blood, and we take your life.
It is blood, it is life that you have given.

You have crushed beneath your heel the vile serpent.
You have carried to the grave the black stain.
You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain.
You have beaten Death at Death's own game.
Hosanna!

O Hosanna!
Hail the long awaited king, come to set his people free.
We cry O Hosanna!
Won't you tear this temple down, raise it up on holy ground.
O Hosanna!
I will lift my voice and sing: you have come and washed me clean. Hosanna.

If you have a chance to see his Christmas show, "Behold the Lamb of God," I highly recommend it. Phenomenal musicians. Last year he had Ron Block of Union Station, and a couple of years ago he had Alison Krauss. Plus, hammer dulcimer.

now you are giving me the freak out.

so i get freaked out, ok?

I also pass out when i get blood taken. It's a completely involuntary response...I know the needle doesn't hurt...I don't even really mind that feeling of the blood leaving my arm. A couple weeks ago when I had my blood screened at work I tried my hardest not to pass out, but I was gone even before she had put the needle in my arm. It's the weirdest thing. The weirdest feeling to feel all your blood leave your extremities and to still be somewhat conscious that all your organs are shutting down. It's painful, but you're scarcely aware of it happening, yet still somehow completely aware. (maybe you've never fainted and don't have this problem--i guess you'll just have to take my word for it)

I've got another involuntary response, and I can't seem to gain any control over it. I get freaked out in relationships. The thought of things being serious or moving toward seriousness causes me to shut down completely. It's the weirdest thing. The weirdest feeling to have all your insecurities and past failures flood in at the same time and overwhelm you. It's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of mistake. Fear of not being enough. It's shame. Shame for past failures. Shame for present shortcomings. Shame of the current insecurities which I should've moved past long ago. It's Lies. Lies that consistently plague and haunt and run through the corridors of my mind infiltrating every room with their stench.

Luckily that's not what the gospel is all about. Unfortunately (or more accurately, fortunately) I am still learning how the gospel really applies to life, to me. What it means to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, to take captive every thought. Understanding that conceptually isn't too hard, but the practice of it is quite different altogether. I live in my mind, in a world of hypotheticals, in a world of solving problems even if they don't exist, in a world of unconscious thinking. It's one of my biggest struggles to regulate my brain and how it thinks--and I've just started to realize recently how big of a difference what you think makes.

In a couple weeks I'm attending a seminar called Discovery, with the intent and purpose of looking at the ways I show up in life, the thoughts and emotions that are behind those actions, and then at the core what beliefs guide those thoughts and actions (think of three concentric circles with what you believe at the center). I've realized for a long time that I often don't show up in life the way that I would want to, and too often diagnosed that specifically as the problem...i.e. if I could just quit doing this then that would fall into place, not willing to admit that the problem is really deeper. The past several years for me has been a journey into the heart (and severely hard). I am starting to see some of the deeper thought/emotion issues behind the actions, but still have yet to connect those thoughts to the things I believe that just simply aren't true. What's hard is those beliefs have been shaped through 27 years of people and experience and reinforcement that they're pretty strongly rooted there. Like do I believe that a strong and healthy marriage is possible? I know it should be, but I don't really believe it. I haven't seen it intimately enough in my own life (other than glimpses into some of my friends) to really believe it's something I could achieve. The example of my parents outweighs everything else I've ever seen, mostly because I know it's their blood that courses through my veins. How many things like that do I believe deep down in my core that affect my thoughts and emotions and actions? That cause me to freak out all the time? That trigger the involuntary responses that I wish I could just simply mentally control and move past?

I'm in a study at work about the life of transformation through the gospel. It's been really good for me after the first two sessions, and one of the phrases that I've resonated with is 'learning to preach the gospel to ourselves.' I have to continually be preaching to myself that what God says about me, what the Bible says about me, is true. That grace steps in where I fail and where I succeed. That we do not have a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. That I am forgiven. That I am a child of the God of the Universe. That love covers a multitude of sins. That I cannot EVER be good enough, and to think that I can is perhaps the biggest LIE that I can ever believe. That His LOVE is STRONG.

"why should i worry?
why do i freak out?
God knows what i need..."
-Jon Foreman "Your Love is Strong"

"The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation...
...Hallelujah, he's right"
-Shanes "Embracing Accusation"

ultimate drummer

you gotta wait about 45 seconds, but this is pretty rad.

just came across this band...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFCRMonf7lI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBTUAHGpQqE

me like.

sweet mother

earth

man hug

Want to know how to give a manly hug and do all sorts of other things manly?

better churches

Speaking of community and churches and stuff, I experienced something that made me a little embarrassed/ashamed. And I'm not even a part of this church. I was embarrassed because what I saw is something that I know I've done to some degree.

Every Tuesday and Thursday the seminary has chapel. Either a professor will give the sermon/lecture or they'll bring in someone. This past Tuesday the pastor from Sojourn Church spoke. Sojourn isn't an SBC church, but it's Southern Baptist affiliated (whatever that really means). It's kind of seen as the black sheep of the family, because it's located in the artsy part of town and actually reaches out to their community. If you want to see a church that has contextualized to fit their community, Sojourn is a good one to look at. They use more artistic (not charismatic) expressions in their services. So you can imagine what that does for a stuffy seminary student.

*I must note here that this stuff isn't based simply on my observations. Several of the people I hang out with go to Sojourn and are very upset with their church members for their actions.

Apparently some of the people decided they wanted to come hear their pastor speak and thought it would be great to wear really dingy clothes, because that's what everyone expects of them. But why not just wear the clothes you would normally wear? Wouldn't doing anything different be a lie, and even be prideful (if not borderline idolatry)?

They didn't do this, but some people did get their early and block off a section for their people to sit in. I don't have a problem with wanting to sit together. But I do have a problem with people who normally sit on the complete other side of chapel sitting in the Sojourn section because that's where you're supposed to sit. No, you should sit with your friends whom you normally sit with every Tuesday and Thursday. Don't abandon them because your church is there.

There were also a number of people who have not been to chapel all year and (as one person told me) won't be back. Is your pastor really that phenomenal of a speaker and that connected with God that he's the only one who can teach you anything?

What this all comes down to is how many times have you thought your church was better than another church.? And if you go to some other church (maybe there's a specific church you can identify) you're wasting your time, or you're less 'godly' (lowercase for a reason), or the church is just less cool than your church. Because a lot of people treat(ed) Status as their church, I gave Discovery Church as a whole a negative perception, and thought that Summit was better. I now know that Discovery is a great church with lots of Godly men and women.

Basically, no church is better than any other church. Now, if a church is teaching unsound doctrine, then that church is probably less than other churches. But no church is better than any other church. Graceland Baptist Church where Gentry and I go is no better than Summit, which is no better than New Life Church of God, which is no better than Willow Creek. We are all the body of believers redeemed, sanctified, and made holy for the glory of God. So let's act it. Let's stop cometing with each other to see who has the better church.

PS. Sojourn's new sermon series is based on Roman's 12. Watch the video on their website.

thoughts on community

i've been thinking about community lately, and although these thoughts are still incomplete, they're still probably too long to post here. I captured some of my initial musings on a pdf here...let me know what you think.

Tunes

Ever been to Pandora Radio? Type in the name of a band or song, it will find it, and then play music similar. It's a good way to hear music you actually like, as well as find out about unknown bands.

you know... (maybe you don't)

Unnecessary Knowledge

Gay Banana

Some of you know Anna from CDIG back in the day. Corey Callahan has a project called trash the dress and takes some sweet shots of people getting a little more use out of their wedding dresses...you can see the rest of Gabe and Anna's shots at his site.

The Renewed Mind Is The Key

To Bad Dancing

voter's guide 2008. Lowest score wins?

http://liecount.com/

Jesus is a friend of mine

(Jesus is my friend)

prayer

Exodus 33:7-11 (in parts):

"Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, call it the 'tent of meeting.' Anyone inquiring of the Lord would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp. And whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered. As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the Lord spoke with Moses...The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend."

John 15:15:

"I no longer call you servants...Instead, I have called you friends."

I have been challenged lately in my prayer life. I have never been a good, consistent praying person. I'm good at reading and studying my Bible, and I pray when I do this. But rarely do "I go into my closet to pray" and spend time with God.

I heard a sermon the other day that used the above verses to talk about praying. Moses had to go into a tent (temporary temple/inner sanctuary) to talk to God, who came down in a pillar of cloud. There they would speak face to face like friends do. Moses was God's friend. Jesus calls us his friends. Elsewhere we hear about the curtain being torn and we are now able to enter into the inner sanctuary to commune with God. We also hear about our bodies being the actual temple. The temple and inner sanctuary are no longer needed, because we are both. And the pillar of cloud (ie, presence of God) is always present to commune with us. There is a certain awe in all of this--God's presence coming down upon us, us being friends with Christ--that I still don't fully get. But it makes me stand in awe and gives me a desire to spend more time one-on-one, privately with the Lord.

nerd stuff you can actually use. (soon)

so google is about to launch their own web browser. In fact by the time you read this it will probably already be launched. They've got some great ideas. If you find that boring some of the high points are:

tabs within your browser are individual processes. that means when you close a web page out, there is no residual garbage from that page still tying up your computer. if you're like me and leave a browser open all day and visit tons of pages without restarting...every once in a while your browser will crash because of all the garbage. this will be more stable.

this also means if one web page crashes, it doesn't tank your browser, just that page.

you can look in their 'task manager' and see which pages are eating away at your memory.

it will be faster. awesome.

knowing google, it will probably look pretty awesome, too.

This first version, unfortunately, appears to be only for windows users, but hopefully the mac version follows shortly.

guess who's back?

as it would seem with most recent posts, I should apologize for my absence as of late, however, I do not. Deal with it.

As a brief overview this is more of an update about me and the story I find myself in (or at least hope one day to find myself in) more so than a theological treatise or metaphysical question or a picture or how plants perform. so here goes. (and my apologies for all the parentheses)

It seems that every time I arrive back home to Orlando this summer I have the same thought: "I can't believe I get to do what I get to do." Since reporting to staff with Crusade's Conference Team (and SV), I have been having a blast. I love what I get to do (reminiscent of the ole FCA days--and as a side note, rachel told me this weekend of how the new leadership made a remark about asking the old school FCA people a question, referring to Jimmy and Derek. How's that make you feel??), I love the people I get to do it with (you are not allowed to misquote that), and I love the people I get to meet from all over the world.

I sat in a Mexican Restaurant in Colorado with a guy from who-knows-where that has lived in Beijing for the last 6 years, and he talked of the climate of people's hearts toward the gospel there, of the groupthink mindset that replaces personal rights with a country's honor that made Communism look favorable to 1.3 billion people (and also of how he thinks that number is severely underestimated by the government, which has all control of such things, for economic reasons, so that all of their per capita numbers look favorable when compared with the rest of the world). He told of a student meeting that happened on the third floor of a hotel in the middle of nowhere. This meeting was illegal. On the second floor of the hotel was a police convention that same weekend. By the grace of God they had no problems.

I listened as a family shared how they could walk away from a $180,000/yr salary to take their seven kids to a country that allows its denizens only one child. because that's where God has called them to be for the next year.

And though it's awesome to love where I am at in life right now (especially when juxtaposed with the two years prior), this weekend has me thinking again (big surprise). Every time I hear the story about how Summit started I get to thinking. (In brief, John Parker called Isaac one day and said "you know that church we've always talked about planting? I think it's time. And I'm all in. Just let me know when you're ready.") Every time I hear that story I feel like it's closer to my time to doing what it is that God has called me to do (in a bigger, more global sense than what I feel like I'm doing now, more on that later...). I wonder what my role will be in that story. When it's time for me to make that phone call. Who it is that I'll make that phone call to. Or perhaps when I get a phone call. I look forward to that day, but humbly, because i know with that comes a lot of heartache I would never wish for, a lot of responsibility I'm not ready to accept, a vision and calling that even though it may not even make sense in words (if it can be expressed in words at all) I must be willing to die for, and a driving peace that is steadfast in any storm, even if intangible.

What I do now I love. I know this is where God has me for this season. But I can't help but think about what is up next. And to be intentional about learning what He's got for me here and now. One of those things is a love for the gospel. I'll be the first to admit I'm a bit complacent when it comes to the gospel. There's a lot I don't know. There's a lot I don't care to know. There's a lot that can't be known. But I think Dan said it well a few months back about when we question how come God isn't doing something, and we aren't doing that very thing we complain about. We are His hands and feet. If there is a problem with the world, it's because there is a problem with us. If there is something that needs fixing, we are to fix it. If there is something that needs rescuing, we are to rescue. If something needs redemption, then hell, boys, let's get on it. The Gospel means good news, and I've started seeing how it is so much richer than just good news about our individual status on a roll call that gets us into heaven and excuses us from our sins (not to minimize that in the least). When I am generous, that is good news for the recipient and the benefactor. When I am loving, that is good news for the loved and the lover.

There is a lot still for me to learn, and I will never learn it all before God says Go (if He will indeed do so), but I can see within myself a moving again toward His heart, a desire for what He desires, regardless the cost. It is in no way complete, but it's kind of like when you're walking up to the stadium and you faintly hear in the distance beyond the sound of a cannon. You know you're walking into a party, even though you're not quite there yet.

methaphors?

Some of you might like this, especially the title.
http://help.com/post/124066-funny-metaphors-used-in-high-school

ouch

Guys. It has been a LONG time since I've been on this blog. Sorry about that. I'll be writing something soon.
I miss your faces!

The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

by Wendell Berry

sunflowers

i planted sunflower transplants in late june(ish), which were about 6 inches tall. the first picture below was taken 2 weeks ago. the second was taken today. now i'm just waiting for the flowers to bloom. i look really gay in the first one.

your daily dose of physics.

the tenth dimension

j

I really don't have any answers, and I definitely don't want to just repeat Sunday School info about why Hell exists. But I do want to say something that a friend said about Hell and sin and God. He said that God is going to do the things that bring him the most glory.

If God made everyone believe in him so that everyone could go to Heaven, then that would just be normalcy. There's no glory to be found in the norm.

But this response still comes up short of answering why we have to innocently be born into sin; why God allows people to be born knowing they're going to Hell; or why God had to allow sin to happen in the first place.

Yeah, I really don't have any answers. And I really don't want to say that a lot of this comes down to faith. But a lot of this comes down to faith.

hell

first and foremost, if there are a lot of superfluous j's in this post i apologize. my keyboard is freaking out, i will try and keep it to a minimum but i make no promises. that being said lets go.

well second and not as foremost, its been a long time since ive been on here. ive not been a great blogger, and its a shame bc i feel like ive had a lot to say but i just havent said it. anyway im here now and i hope we as a group pick up the slack bc i enjoy you all very much.

ok now for real lets go. so yesterday jwe had this like community mega group gathering. its all the little community groups meeting up and coming together, we are doing it for the whole summer, anyway we are going through tim kellers most recent book, the reason for God. its pretty good, but jyesterday the chapter that we looked at tried to answer the question "how could a loving God send people to hell?" and well i just wasnt satisfied. just completely unsatisfied with how we reasoned it away, and still talked about God being so loving. see have a hard time saying that God truly loves the unregenerate man. its particularly hard coming from the reformed perspective that i come from, and really cant get away from. i dont know totally where you all stand on this stuff, im pretty sure tian and i would could from different perspectives, probably josh too, timmy and trey not sure, anyways that doesnt matter bc we are talking about me. if i believe that it is God who saves, God who puts tjhe desire in man, it is God who chooses man, not vice versa, then how can God love those whom he does not choose? he has the cure, he could save, but he elects to not save. and it honestly got me mad yesterday. i was mad and frustrated and i just didnt know what to do. i felt like God is sitting there looking at someone dying of cancer and he has the cure and he jjust is saying, nah dont think ill save that one. dont think ill pursue them. its not something that makes me not believe anymore, or lose hope, but it jjust makes me mad, and i dont understand. and then i realized that i do the same thing all the time that i was criticizing God for doing. i at least intellectually have the information that can save my friends souls. i know what they need to know. i could tell them. i could love them. but i dont. i dont do it, and i felt like such a hypocrite. it was such a shocking epiphany, i literally didnt see it coming at all. i thougth i had a good case. i thought God would just say to me, hey trust me, trust me. and ultimately thats what i need to do, trust when i dont understand, tjrust that God is good. i guess i didnt expect to get called out like that. i feel like God had enough of my whining, and said hey how about you. look at yourself.

i feel like this thought is incomplete still...i dont think ive come all the way around, but i feel like its important enough in my life that i wanted to write about it...jmaybe ill learn more soon and post that too. but for now, this is what i got...

Damnation on campus

If you've not heard about the greatest threat the Catholic Church faces these days, check this out...http://www.wftv.com/news/16806050/detail.html.

Seriously. Does this make sense?

1492

School finally just ended, so I decided it was time to start reading a book for my own personal enjoyment. Plus, my shelf of books to read is getting rather full and I have several that I've been putting off reading for 2 or 3 years now. My goal is to get those finally read this summer.

The first one that I just started on is titled The Rewriting of America's History, by Catherine Millard. In the introduction she writes, "Rewriting a nation's history is frequently one of the first strategies taken by a conquering nation. Why? Because a people who do not know from where they came also do not know where they are going. Thus, they become easy prey for a conquering nation....It's happening through the rewriting and/or reinterpretation of American historical records...In some cases, changes are subtle, and in others, blatant. It's done through removal of key historic pieces that do not support the current ungodly bias."

Millard is founder and president of Christian Heritage Tours in Washington, D.C. Their sole purpose, as you can probably guess, is to teach the Christian history of America that so many do not know about. This is also the purpose of the book. It begins with the sailing of Cristobal Colon (aka, Christopher Columbus) and ends with the founding of the original colonies (I think. I'm only on page 23, but by skimming the last pages it seems that that is where it ends). It's very straight forward, a little dry, but a very good read so far.

I'm sure I'll be posting more interesting facts from the book in the future, but here's a little piece from Columbus' own pen:

[Speaking of his son to whom he has sent some gold that was discovered] "that he shall help to maintain and sustain on the Island Espanola four good teachers of the holy theology with the intention to convert to our holy religion all those people in the Indias.

I said that I would state my reasons [behind my journey]: I hold alone to the sacred and Holy Scriptures, and to the interpretations of prophecy given by certain devout persons.

For the execution of the journey to the Indies I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps....No one should fear to undertake any task in the name of our Savior, if it is just and if the intention is purely for his holy service. The working out of all things has been assigned to each person by our Lord, but it all happens according to His sovereign will even though he gives advice."

Columbus' desire was not to enslave the Indians for the profit of Spain. Much more is said in the book, but it is clear that his intention was to spread the Gospel. Also, he wasn't an idiot who didn't know where he was going. He didn't make use of maps or anything! He knew that, in doing God's work, God would guide him to his destination--even if it wasn't the one he was aiming for.

I am tempted to write more about this last part, but I'll let you make the application/connection between our own aims and God's.

get your read on

Since I read a butt-load of books each semester, I thought it might be a good idea to let ya'll know some of the better ones I've read:

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ - John Piper
*Short book, just over 120 pages. Nothing like Desiring God.

Master Plan of Evangelism - Robert Coleman
*One of like 4 or 5 books that does an in depth study of Jesus' style of discipleship and evangelism. One of the better books I read this Spring.

Humility - CJ Mahaney
*If you've never read or heard of Mahaney, you should start.

Spiritual Disciplines For the Christian Life - Donald Whitney
*Southern Professor. Good book talking about the disciplines (eg, fasting, praying, serving). If you've read Dallas Willard's Disciplines, they're a lot alike.

Knowing God - JI Packer
*It's sort of a systematic theology book on who God is, written with the lay minister in mind (aka, common man). I plan on reading this one again when I have some free time. Like in 2 years.

Devotional Classics - Richard Foster
*Although Foster is a little out there, this is a great compilation of some of the greatest minds in the history of the Church. Short list of authors: CS Lewis, Jonathan Edwards, John of the Cross, Thomas Merton, John Calvin, Teresa of Avila, Watchman Nee, Ignatius of Loyola. It's really interesting to see what people from different places and different times thought about God. Some of it, like Julian of Norwich is a little weird. But all of it is good.

Evangelical Ethics - John Jefferson Davis
*A good overview of the major ethical issues (eg, abortion, euthanasia, bioethics) including history of each argument and the evangelical perspective. I may not agree with every point, but Davis gives each issue a fair assessment

The Universe Next Door - James Sire
*Like the ethics book, but an overview of different worldviews (eg, pantheism, nihilism, postmodernism).

Faith and Reason - Ronald Nash
*RTS professor. Like the ethics book, but for philosophy and the Christian perspective.

And that's only like half of the books I read this past semester!

and this guy(s)

buenos aires

check this guy out

Banksy

Banksy via Wikipedia

Pork and Beans

Has everyone seen the new Weezer video yet?

Simply amazing.

what the deuce?

punches in the face

Chin

That's a good place for a dinosaur.

American Macho Spirituality

Today's (shortened) entry from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning (author of Ragamuffin Gospel--obviously):

Although the Scriptures speak insistently of the divine initiative in the work of salvation, that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase, American spirituality still seems to start with self, not with God. Personal responsibility replaces personal response. We seem engrossed in our own efforts to grow in holiness........In seasons of penance, we focus on getting rid of our hang-ups and sweating through various spiritual excercises, as if they were a religious muscle-building program........The emphasis is always on what I do rather than on what God is doing in my life........We become convinced that we can do a pretty good job of following Jesus if we just, once and for all, make up our minds and really buckle down to it.

Do yourself a favor

become part of a guinness world record.

did you know?

3405 is a structured great rhombicosidodecahedral number.

Number

change is a comin...

it's the end of the internet as we know it. sort of.

3 yrs

Pilgrimage

Is Mary traveling?
And is she far from home?
And do the weary hillsides sing
Sad Monotones?

She’s gone from Nazareth
Which she, a citizen,
Abandoned for a city south:
Strange Bethlehem.

Her heart and feet are sore;
‘Twas nothing she could keep;
She left the house where she was born,
In straw to sleep.

And now, an alien,
She leaves her peace as well;
She bends and breaks and bears a son:
Immanuel.

Is Mary carrying
Her babe from Bethlehem?
And can the desert stop a king
From killing them?

Abandoned now she has
The air the angels flew,
The stable where her baby was
Called King of Jews.

Oh, haste! Oh, Mary run!
For Herod’s sent an order
To Bethlehem to kill your son,
By general slaughter.

And miles and miles she goes
Into that southern sun,
Where Pharoah once her people rode
To skeletons.

Is Mary traveling?
How weary are her bones?
Ah yes, but now the route will bring
Her safely home!

But who will Nazareth
Receive when she returns?
Another woman, sumptuous
For all she’s learned.

For now in Nazareth
This mother of her son
Has met the night, has wrestled death
Yet rose to dawn!

Forever foreign here,
She’ll live in paradise!
For none but such a traveler
Could bear our Christ.

Walter Wangerin, Jr.

Making love in a canoe

Oh Monty....

Ever heard of Pope Joan?

Radio Radio

There are some things here on the radio in Louisville that I have really come to love. First, let me start by saying that I haven't really been a big fan of radio since the late 90s. Once the teen pop sensation took over, I couldn't listen to a whole lot. But here in Louisville there are two stations that I've just come to love.

The first would be one of the public radio stations. There's 3 or 4 here, but this one plays almost exclusively indie music. Everything from Richard Cheese to VHS or Beta to Stars to Imogen Heap. Then, every night at 6 is bluegrass hour. And they usually end with a little Jazz on the weekends.

The other station is a Christian talk radio/gospel station. And when I say gospel I don't mean Tye Tribbet or the Winans. I'm talking about good ol' fashion white boy gospel music. Bands like Gold City, Signature Sound, and Oakridge Boys. Something about a group harmonizing like it's nobody's business, singing a story, and probably playing a banjo. I think I really like the story telling part. It's kinda like the old hymns we sometimes still sing in church. They tell a story about God. We don't have that much these days, and if I have to get it from my gospel music, then so be it.

Also, since it is a Christian talk radio station, they have different preachers' sermons on throughout the day. My favorite, which I only get about 10 minutes of while driving to school, is Alistair Begg. I don't get to hear most of his message, but there's something about a man with a Scottish accent that makes me believe pretty much anything he says.

does this dress make my song look fat

i'll be gone

i guess this is growing up

so i was thinking yesterday about almost a year ago while in costa rica. i remember thinking how much i appreciated the people who arranged everything, made the plans, figured out all the details, and how i could never do that. i found it hard to imagine myself even doing the planning for a family vacation someday for just a couple people.

i found myself at work this week doing that. i was assigned to find accommodations for 30 people for two weeks in, of all places, manuel antonio, the same place we were at last year. i've also been negotiating contracts (which i never thought i'd do) that are larger than my annual salary (is it weird that my credit card limit is more than i make in a year?).

so far work has been an awesome experience. i love it. it's been fun to learn new things and be thrown in the deep end in some cases and be forced to learn some useful skills that i never really could have imagined myself being good at.

re-beach

dan, i'm glad you did decide to post that. i didn't think it was simple at all, but even if i had, it's often the simple things we need to be reminded of the most.

i was thinking indirectly about that same thing this morning on my drive in to work. i, too, want people to like me at least in part because of me. i'm not real good with this unconditional love stuff. perhaps i've been required by people closest to me to earn their love, perhaps i've too often (or continually) require of people to earn my love. at any rate, i find that i associate my identity by the things i associate myself with (school, grades, music, sports, etc.). those things seem to continually change in my life. i agree that i want someone to love me regardless of what i do or who i am, but i find it so hard to accept that. i even try to push that away. it's hard for me to accept my identity that jesus loves me irregardless.

i desperately want to be more like shannon in that regard--that i would accept everyone i meet instead of sizing them up and making decisions on whether they are worth my love or attention. i'd also like to understand where my predisposition to be the opposite of that comes from (did i feel like i needed to earn someone's love growing up?, is it part of personality or temperament traits?, is it a product of the fall?), but i don't want to wait on that understanding to become the person i should become

i was out at the beach this morning just spending some time reading and thinking and things like that. i feel like i need to do that when i live within biking distance of the beach. i also feel like i need to talk about my close proximity to the beach when i know that i live way closer to the beach than anyone else who is reading this blog, but thats neither here nor there. today i was thinking about shannon, as some of you know i have been thinking about her a lot lately. today specifically i was thinking about one of the things that since we are no longer together i have missed so much and i guess i appreciate it way more now that its not in my life anymore. anyways i have realized that shannon is probably the most accepting person i have known. she accepts people as they are, not wanting them to change or improve or anything like that. i mean seemingly the weirder or more unique the person, the more she seems to welcome them. in the two years we had together i cant remember a single person who she did not accept, or who thought should change. not a single one. she never even complained about people or anything like that. as i think about that i recognize what a phenomenal quality that is, and i realize thats what i want in a wife, someone who accepts me for me, no matter what im like, or what i do, or how stupid i am and all the mistakes i make. someone who i dont have to earn their love. i dont have to be the best at anything, im just accepted. i really miss that about shannon. i think i still tried to earn her love, which was stupid and probably really frustrating for her. anyways as i was thinking about all of this, i couldnt help but think how much i try and earn the love of God. God loves me so much better than shannon ever did, and sooooo much more unconditionally. truly unconditionally. yet all the time i still try and earn it. all the time i worry about losing it. all the time i consider my actions and in the back of my head i worry about my acceptance by God. i do. and the thing that i realized today is that in my heart i want to be accepted by God bc of efforts. i want to earn Gods love. i want it to be about me. i want God to love me bc of something about me. i wanna be the best at something and have God value that. this morning i saw that in myself. this morning i realized that ultimately i dont want that. if god loves me because of some skill or talent, or something i do that pleases him, then i have to keep that up for my whole life. if ever i stop, or become less, then God would love me less. it would make me a slave to pleasing God. see thats just way worse. now i know that this is incredibly simple and you are reading this and thinking well or course man, but today recognizing this stuff in myself, recognizing that i think this way, it was a big deal for me. i have never really been overwhelmed by the unconditional love of God bc secretly i have always wanted at least a little bit for Gods love of me to be about me. today i was overwhelmed. today i recognized that as much as i want a wife who loves me just because im me, even more i want a God who does. and the beautiful thing is that is just how God is.

i almost feel silly posting something so basic, in fact even after just writing it, i thought about not posting it, but you know what its just honest. today thats what i learned about God and it was good for my heart.

soon

I'll be trying to post about the holy spirit thing soon. But I just wanted to say hello to you guys. I haven't talked to some of you in forever. I wanna hang out!

Holy baptism

I don't know if I'm supposed to answer those questions, but I had something else about the Holy Spirit that I wanted to share...

Pentecostals talk about being slain in the Spirit and use Acts 2 to support their claims. They say that you can't be a true believer if you haven't "received," or been "baptized" by, the Holy Spirit. But at the end of Acts 2 "about three thousand souls" believed and were baptized (with water). In Acts 8, where Philip preaches to the Samaritans, they were "baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus" first (v. 16) and then later received the Holy Spirit. There is no mention of speaking in tongues, which, if this is a vital thing, you would think Luke would've mentioned it (but I guess you can't totally rule it out). Then, in Acts 10, "the Holy Spirit was poured out even on the Gentiles" (v. 45) before they were "baptized in the name of Jesus Christ" (v. 48). They spoke in tongues, but they hadn't been baptized with water yet.

there are numerous other instances in Acts where people put their faith in Jesus and are baptized with water, yet there is no mention of the Holy Spirit. The three above are the only mentionings of people receiving the Holy Spirit. So either they weren't truly saved, or being slain is not a key factor.

So there is no defining way into how the Holy Spirit works. Paul even goes into detail in one of his epistles as to how speaking in tongues works (don't remember the book off the top of my head).

Throughout scripture the Holy Spirit is describe as a guide. He guides the writers of Bible in putting down the words of God. Jesus states this and much more in John 16:

"Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me; in regard to righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; and in regard to judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.
"I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you."

I believe the Holy Spirit works today as a guide, just like Jesus laid out above. Do people ever truly speak in tongues? Sure. But like Paul says there must be a witness who can interpret the event.

Holy Spirit. Weak one.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
GENESIS 1:1-2

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
ACTS 1:8

He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
2 CORINTHIANS 3:6

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 TIMOTHY 1:7


“And that, by the way, is perhaps the most important difference between Christianity and all other religions: that in Christianity God is not a static thing—not even a person-but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance. The union between the Father and Son is such a live concrete thing that this union itself is also a Person. I know this is almost inconceivable, but look at it thus. You know that among human beings, when they get together in a family, or a club, or a trade union, people talk about the "spirit" of that family, or club, or trade union. They talk about its "spirit" because the individual members, when they are together, do really develop particular ways of talking and behaving which they would not have if they were apart. It is as if a sort of communal personality came into existence. Of course, it is not a real person: it is only rather like a person. But that is just one of the differences between God and us. What grows out of the joint life of the Father and Son is a real Person, is in fact the Third of the three Persons who are God.
This third Person is called, in technical language, the Holy Ghost or the "spirit" of God. Do not be worried or surprised if you find it (or Him) rather vaguer or more shadowy in your mind than the other two. I think there is a reason why that must be so. In the Christian life you are not usually looking at Him: He is always acting through you. If you think of the Father as something "out there," in front of you, and of the Son as someone standing at your side, helping you to pray, trying to turn you into another son, then you have to think of the third Person as something inside you, or behind you. Perhaps some people might find it easier to begin with the third Person and work backwards. God is love, and that love works through men—especially through the whole community of Christians. But this spirit of love is, from all eternity, a love going on between the Father and Son.”
-C.S. Lewis


“If you were going to try to write some sonnets as good as Shakespeare wrote like, “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” what would you have to have? I will tell you what you would have to have; you would have to have the spirit of Shakespeare. You would have to have the intellect of Shakespeare enter your personality. If you and I tried to write “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” we would never get any further than that. Winter would come before we would get the second line written. Nevertheless, Shakespeare could make it; he knew what to do with words.
Emerson said that he was the man who, above all men who ever lived in the world could say anything that he wanted to say. And he did say it. Now, how could you write like Shakespeare?
But if you wanted to write like Shakespeare what would you have to have, the intellect of Shakespeare. If you wanted to compose music like Johanna Sebastian Bach, what would you have to have? You would have to have the spirit of Bach. If you wanted to be a statesman like Gladstone or Disraeli, what would you have to have? You would have to have the spirit of those men.
If we are going to reproduce Christ on earth and be Christlike and show forth Christ, what are we going to have? We are going to have to have the Spirit of Christ. If we are going to be the children of God, we are going to have the Spirit of the Father to breathe in our hearts and breathe through us. That is why we must have the Spirit of God. That is why the Church must have the Spirit of Christ, for the Church is called to live above her own ability. She is called to live up so high that no human being can live like that. The humblest Christian listening to me is called to live a life of miracles; a moral and spiritual life of such intensity and purity that no human being can do it.
Only Jesus Christ can do it. Therefore, He wants the Spirit of Christ to come to His people.”
-A.W. Tozer

1. Think about the Spirit of God “hovering over the waters”. What seems formless, empty, or chaotic in your life right now? What would it look like for you to be unafraid of that darkness, and instead to engage it and speak life and creativity into existence?
2. What do you think about the Spirit being the embodiment of the communion between the Father and the Son? Do you agree? How does it feel to be a part of the community of God?
3. Can you remember a time when you seemed “filled” with a spirit greater than yourself, perhaps that of Shakespeare or Bach? A creative moment? A great game? A conflict handled with a skill that you never imagined within you? A time where you felt unstoppable? Share that with someone.
4. The power the Spirit gives us is the ability to do, to “reproduce Christ on earth”. How do you obtain this power? How does your life look different with the power of the Holy Ghost acting in and through you? Are you allowing the Spirit to make you more like Christ?

So.....we're being sued

Well, sort of. Our neighbor, whose daughter was nicked by Sebastian, filed a claim to get money for medical bills (or at least we're assuming that's the purpose). I really don't want to say too much here b/c she's hired one of those sleazy tv lawyers ("The Heavy Hitter" as he's known in his ads), and I don't want his people searching the internet and finding me saying anything I shouldn't (like that he's sleazy).

But the funny thing about this is that we've offered on several occasions to pay for the medical bills and she's said it's no big deal. Here's the funny part: if she does get money from this, once lawyer fees, court fees, and taxes are taken out, she'll get less money than if she'd let us pay the bill (since we're really not worth that much).

So please be praying about this. It's definitely been a lot of stress and drama. But we've got God on our side, so whatever happens will be for his glory--and his enemies will be judged justly.

Watch this. It'll make you laugh

not exactly an update

You can't really post an update if you've never posted anything to begin with. So, I guess this is a start, and maybe I can update it later at some point. I really just wanted to comment on what kTb posted a couple days ago.

I did record five (5) tracks in the studio, but only four (4) of them made it on the album. One of them didn't turn out exactly as Andy had hoped, so a guy from Northland got to re-track it. Ouch, right? Just step all over my pride.

No big deal, though. Andy called and told me about it after someone else got onto him for doing it. Plus, I got to rib him at the Listening Party the other night. He stood on my left, my lovely wife on the right. Rachel commented that the album sounded great, and Andy replied, "Yeah, I'm REALLY happy with the way it all turned out." I chimed in: "Yeah, especially THIS one." (It was the song they re-tracked the drums on.) He shot me one of those looks that says, "I'm assuming that was a joke, but maybe it wasn't, and I'm hoping you'll say something that lets me know you're really not mad." So I grinned and told him I was kidding.

Gracefully played.

$$$

Last night we hung out with the Lonely Heroes' management company. They took us to a nightclub downtown to a VIP balcony. Here is the drink list. Several bottles were ordered. It was not only ridiculous, but kind of surreal. Totally not my scene, but it did feel like I was in a movie.

those bastards

For those of you who remember my idea about an evolving story from multiple ideas, here it is.

Only one million monkeys times better.

quick update.

the summit album is done. trey tracked the drums for 5 of the songs i think. i made it on 2 or 3. sounds pretty awesome. gets mastered this week and duplicated next.

tonight, supposedly, I'm going to meet the guy who is financing the other band project, the lonely heroes, starring jason gaskin. he's interested in dropping some cash so we can record, etc. supposedly he's got a limo rented for us and we're going out for a night on the town. should be interesting. i think i've only been in a limo once.

as for raising support, I'm about 150% done on paper, but I still am waiting for two more checks to come in before I'm allowed to start. They've been pledged and were supposed to start a month ago, but they won't let me set foot in the office until I have those in hand. In the meantime I'm trying to meet with other individuals, cause the combination of these two checks is over $600 and if they don't come in for another couple months, then I will have to re-raise all of that money before I can start. So, like I've said for the last 6 months. I'm close, but still not there. And literally, it could be any day. So if you can, pray for that.

and that's all for now.

what to do....

Here's a link to a blog with an interesting viewpoint on making life decisions:

http://www.rabbitroom.com/?p=638

Oh My!

Mega Church: The Game

http://echurch.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

Statues in the woods

When Jesus took the disciples to Gethsemane and then took the three further along with him, he became very troubled and "filled with sorrow to the point of death." He told the disciples to keep watch while he went ahead to pray. What did they do? They fell asleep. Yeah, they'd had a long week. All that walking to Jerusalem, getting ready for their Passover feast, the feast filling their bellies. They were wore out and needed a nap. But after just being told that the man you've been following for three years is about to die so that prophecy can be fulfilled because he's the Savior of all mankind, you'd think they could stay awake a little longer.

Just like these three, we get tired too. We get tired of life, and find ourselves sleepwalking through our days. We find ourselves wandering through the darkness of this world searching for Jesus, when all this time he's been right there in the Garden, in agony praying for mercy. For himself and for this world.

For my Spiritual Disciplines class we're required to spend 4 hours in silence and solitude. I decided to head down to the Abbey of Gethsemane where Thomas Merton spent most of his life as a monk. They have a couple thousand acres of land with woods and trails all over them. It's only an hour away and I had heard a lot about it from professors, so I wanted to experience it's peacefulness for myself.

I got there early in the morning and decided to climb a rather large hill at the entrance that had chairs at the top. From here I could see for a couple miles in all directions. I watched the sun light up the landscape and shimmer in the dew as it rose across the plains. It was one of the mosts serene pictures I've ever experienced. After about an hour I came down and entered their visitors center to get directions to the trails. I ended up meeting the head monk who has been there since the forties!

I must confess, I did have some ulterior motives for going there. Andrew Peterson has a song titled "The Silence of God." One of the verses says:

There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll,
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold.
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone,
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone.
And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot,
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought.

I once heard him talk about this statue and the impact it had on his life. So I wanted to experience it for myself. But as I started approaching the hill where "the statues" (as they refer to them) are, I started to wonder if I had built this up too much and was going to be let down. But as I entered the wooded knoll, I came upon a large metal statue of the three disciples stretched out sleeping. And as I turned the corner, there was a large statue of Jesus on his knees, hands over his face, looking up to God in agony. I really can't describe it here, but I had to sit down on a nearby stone to fully take it all in. To actually see what it must have looked like, with the three thirty feet away carelessly sleeping, while Jesus, in his humanity, is crying out to God to take this away if at all possible.

It was a humbling experience and I probably could have sat there all day, but the business of life would not allow it. So I reluctantly left and followed another path back to the monastery.

Hi GuYs

Miss you.

update

Good news! We got Sebastian back yesterday. The animal control people basically said to just be careful. They realize that we have some stupid neighbors who are going to be watching us. We're still debating whether or not to give him up. We found a lady who does one-on-one training for dogs, so we can get her help with any specific issues we have. So we're looking into that now.

update

Apparently the behavior assessment process can take up to a week. They have to do an evaluation where they do stuff like give him a bowl of food and then put a fake hand down by his face while eating (I know...kinda setting him up for failure, right?), and other things to make sure that he's not dangerous.

I'm holding up alright, but Gentry's been really upset. We're also worried about him, because, since he's housebroken, he won't pee or poo in a cage unless he's in pain. So we're concerned that he might get an infection. But there's really nothing we can do. We just have to wait it out.

On a much lighter note: Gentry and I are taking a marriage class (not because we're having problems, it's an actual seminary class), and our professor actually talked about vibrating dildos. If that doesn't change your perception of Baptists, I don't know what will.

Also, the picture below is of a professor of Old Testament here at the seminary. Simply amazing.

the prayers of the saints

Gentry and I need some prayer.

Back story:

For those who don't know, Gentry and I got a dog back in January. He's an Australian Shepherd named Sebastian. He's a wonderful dog. He loves us, we love him. He even sleeps with us in our bed. He'll squeeze his way in between us, roll over on his back, and let us scratch his belly until he falls asleep.

Two weeks ago, the little girl who lives next door came over to play in the snow with us. We eventually headed inside, so she asked her mom if she could come over and hang out inside. While inside, we were all hanging out in the living room, when suddenly she jumped up to go look at something. Sebastian jumped up on her and nicked her ear. He was then put under quarantine for 10 days to make sure he didn't have rabies (which he didn't because he had just had his shots).

The reason he did this is because he's a herding dog. They don't like excessive movement. If Gentry or I get up to leave a room, he follows us. If someone comes over to the house and gets up to leave the room, he'll jump on them, kind of telling them to sit down and stay put. Picture it like herding sheep or something. What would he do if one tried to leave the flock?

So now we're up to present time. Just like any dog bite case, his was still being looked at after the quarantine, and he was going to have to go do a behavior assessment thing to make sure he's not a violent dog. This means that he has to be on a leash at all times until everything's over with. Yesterday he got out the house when Gentry was going outside and he chased our neighbor's cat. Someone called animal control about it and they came and picked him up last night, and he's now being held at the shelter until they can do the assessment. It really sucks, but that's the law so there's nothing we can do about it. But we should get him back Monday or Tuesday.

We've been thinking a lot about this whole situation over the past couple of weeks, and we think we need to get rid of him. When we have people over, or especially when we have kids, we don't want to have to worry about him jumping up or hurting them in any way. We don't want to give him back to the shelter, because the same thing will happen again. We've learned that he's not a house dog. He needs to be active and able to run around. He needs to be on a farm or somewhere that there's a lot of land. Since there's a lot of people with a lot of land around here, we're gonna start researching and asking around for someone who would want to take him.

The problem with this is that the shelter we got him from is very concerned about dogs being given away to people who don't know how to take care of dogs and then the dogs are abandoned. So we had to sign a contract saying that if we were ever going to give him up, we would only give him back to the shelter. So we're going to talk to the shelter and see if we can sort of just use them as a middle-man to get him to give him away.

Please be praying that this all works out.

Also, all this happened last night while we were having a party. So everyone got to witness it. What makes it even worse, is that the party was a celebration of Gentry being healed of Lyme disease 5 years ago.

best idea ever?

http://www.fundastache.org/

not pulling a tim...just being a man and using my words

I don't want to change the topic if there's more to be said, so I'm gonna try and change it slightly and then bring it back. Dan, you mentioned throwing the baby out with the bath water. I agree with what you said, so I'm not gonna repeat it. But I want to mention something else that has to do with babies and bathwater that might be of interest (or at least to Tim, if you're still thinking about doing counseling stuff at RTS). This is a big issue on campus, so I hear about it a lot.

There's a new-ish type of counseling known as Nouthetic Counseling. Their main argument is that Freud, Skinner, and all the rest of those guys we studied in Brophy's intro class at UCF approached the world from an anti-Christian worldview (well, at least Freud. His goal was to prove that we don't need God and he doesn't exist). Nouthetics looks at the world and all of its problems from a strictly biblical standpoint. Which is great, because the Bible actually has a lot to say about people's issues. Their focus is on the process of sanctification.

But don't confuse this with "Christian counseling." Christian counseling, as it is seen today, blends the two, but leans a great deal toward Freudian theories. They will say that your problem is because of something or someone in your past. Nouthetics would say that, yes, there might have been this problem in your past that triggered you to act a certain way in certain situations, but you are still responsible for your actions (usually sinful). The best way to describe it is intense discipleship.

The problem is that a lot (not all) of the Nouthetic leaders disagree with Freud, Skinner, et al, and therefore start throwing babies, bathwater, towels, soap, deodorant--it's all going out. Yes, there is no proof that there is such a thing as a chemical imbalance and so we really shouldn't be diagnosing it. But that doesn't mean that it isn't really there. We just don't have the knowledge yet to know for sure either way. No, depression is not scientifically diagnosable (it's one of those last result things). But that doesn't mean that there is a sin issue. Maybe really is just sad a lot. They want to take everything that these guys have ever said/studied and say that it's useless. Yes, their results were done from a non-Christian, worldly standpoint. But the research is usable. If you've never heard of Nouthetics, but are interested at all, check out Jay Adams, "Competent to Counsel." It's an intro-type book. There's only a couple of things in it that I would disagree with. But definitely a good read...well worth it.

Okay, I don't have a segue to bring it back, but I do want to say something else back on the other topic. I think it's quite alright to question and challenge the church. Not doing so can be dangerous. I think we need to realize that people come to Christ and worship in different ways. I had a "conversion experience". Trey would probably say that he might have come to a realization of who Jesus is one day, but he's always believed. And that's the main thing--belief. Jesus says over and over again to believe. We can push for change in the church and challenge church culture all day. But we must also stick to the main tenets of the church universal: belief in a God who created the world and did everything in the OT, and faith in a Savior who died on a cross and was raised from the dead three days later so that all who believe might be saved.

to comment or to post?

sometimes i just dont know which one i should choose, i feel like comments should be kept short, and posts can be longer, so in this circumstance i have elected to post. i would like to preface anything and everything i say in this post by stating that there is a quote by steve brown that basically says something to the effect that no matter how much we disagree with our brothers about certain issues of theology, they are still "us". brian mcclaren is still us. at least i believe that, so as much as i might disagree with him on a lot of things, and sometimes think he says things that are just straight up heretical, and i dont know how he could possibly say he believes in the God of the bible, i still do think he is us. i think he and i are both in the family of christ. i think that is a really important thing to remember, and i do want to treat him like a brother.

that being said i will now respond to tim's post, and although im not certain exactly what a "tim" is, i fear i may in fact be pulling one. now about Gods will, i think this is a very tricky subject, and to be honest its an area i find a lot of mystery in. for example it of course is Gods will that i wouldnt sin, yet i sin. does that mean i am stronger than God, or that God isnt powerful enough to keep me from sinning? of course not, but i do believe that God has in mysterious accord with his sovereignty allowed me some freedom and i am sinning. antimony. God is sovereign, and its his will for me to not sin, yet he also says i have choices and i still do break the sovereigns will. its a tricky thing. i think its the same with salvation, was jesus' blood sufficient for all? YES! could God save all men? YES!!! does God say it is his will that none should perish? YES. does jesus make it clear that people will go to hell? YES. how do those things fit together? to me its an area of incredible mystery. but i think the bible is clear that not all men will be saved in spite of God wanting none to perish.

now in dealing with pre 1900 christians, or for that matter christians in any period of time that had different ideas about what salvation was, what do we do with that? does God change? do his standards change? i dont think so, but i think its important to look to the old testament for example to shed some light on this. how were men saved before the cross? they were saved by looking forward to the coming messiah, they were saved by having faith in one to come. it wasnt their own merit or anything like that, i mean they still had to obey, but they were saved by the cross in the same way that we are saved by the cross, they were just looking forward to it, while we are looking back on it. i think when i look at that, it makes it clear to me what is essential, its the cross. having faith not in oneself, or in the good deeds that one can do, but instead looking to the cross of christ for salvation. i think if there was a 100 years of people that only looked to themselves and what they could do to save themselves, then from what i read in the Bible i do not believe we will be seeing them in heaven. however i do not believe that to be the case. i think its easy for us to look back at general trends and assume things about the beliefs of the masses, but just think about elijah when he was convinced that everyone has bowed to baal, that no one other than him still served God. God informed him that God himself had spared people, that there were 7000 that had not yet bowed to baal (1 kings 19:15-18). i believe in the same fashion God saved people in times that to us look hopeless.

maybe you were more trying to talk about how the church does course correct, and less about people not being able to get into heaven back in the day, and i do agree with you that i think that is what mcclaren is trying to do, i think that he has overcorrected. as i have previously stated in a comment, i love a lot of what the emergent movement, excuse me, the emergent conversation has brought to the table. i think its great. i mean one of the main reasons that i went to the church im at in ft laudy is because of really the influence that the emergent movement had on this church. its a church that wants desperately to be involved in social issues, that wants desperately to see our world healed, and to see the church take part in that healing. i mean my pastor has a bunch of books by mcclaren, but ultimately what he decided and what the church decided is that the theology that has gone along with that movement is unbiblical. what i wanna see the church as a whole do is take some of the emergent coversations passion for healing our world, and righting wrongs, and run with those things, but not take the theology that is attached to it in that particular movement. i dont know why those two things have become so closely affiliated, but for some reason they have and i think a lot of people are wanting to throw the baby out with the bath water, but lets not do that. in fact i was recently eating dinner with an old family friend, and they were asking about my church, when i told them about our churches desire to be involved socially he immediately lumped us in with the emergents. he asked if we followed mcclaren, and was very suspicious of the theology of the church. it took a lot of convincing for me to tell him that wasnt the case. i hate that that happens. i say we take the good and leave the bad, i think we should be able to do that.

and just to be clear i think that is the case of almost all groups of christianity. all denominations or movements or whatever have their strong and weak points, and i think to be well rounded you need to learn what your weak points are and be willing to steal peoples strengths, while leaving their weaknesses behind. i think that is how you become a well rounded christian. well that and reading the word...

im gonna leave it at that for now, but i enjoy this conversation...i think its good.


oh also i saw the grand canyon today and God is really big. really really big. and that canyon is awesome.

The downward spiral

First of all, sorry for pulling a Tim.

Second, I think these sorts of conversations are good not just for ironing out theological wrinkles, but for engaging Christ and His Word and for sharpening each other--taking a look at the things that don't sit well with us, and wrestling with them until they either sit well or we just accept what doesn't sit well because Jesus said so.

With that said, here are some of the things that don't sit so well with me in regards to what we've been saying, and I think that the emergent church and Brian McLaren offer some interesting ideas when it comes to them.

The first is the most controversial and life-impacting for me. I have trouble with the verses (apologies for my laziness and lack of due diligence here) that discuss the will of the Father that all men should be saved. Does God's will not get accomplished unless all men are saved? Can not God redeem everything? Is Christ's work on the Cross powerful enough to save everyone? I believe the answer to the last two questions is yes. So the question for me then becomes how to interact with the work of Christ on the Cross to receive said redemption.

The church in the last 100 years has worked out a very well oiled, polish-me-often version of what Christianity is. We can shrink the Gospel down to fit on a tract that looks real neat and makes a lot of sense. The only problem with this is, what of the years before that? What of our pre-tract brothers and sisters who didn't engage with Christ in the same manner as we do now? With a flatter world today, we can engage in these types of conversations virtually instantaneously and open up the Bible and see what it says, perform a search in BibleGateway and no big deal. This has no always been the case.

When reading the Ramakrishna quote I immediately thought of our family not too many centuries back who were told that heaven could be bought, that relics were of extreme importance, etc. Is there really an entire era of Christendom where there are potentially no persons on the planet who managed to accept Christ in the way that we've come to believe is the "only way" and they are judged accordingly?

In software engineering, there are several different lifecycles for developing an application or program. One of those is the waterfall process, which essentially starts out at the beginning, and continually makes steps toward the final goal, very chronological, and you keep building on and on to the work accomplished until you've reached the final goal. The spiral process combines multiple waterfall processes in a long string of iterations until the final goal is reached, continually revising, making updates, adding new functionality. The main difference is with the first you essentially keep barreling forward with what you have, and the second is a little more like poetry in motion, enabling you to fix mistakes and figure new things out.

It seems as though Christians especially seem to view Christianity through the lens of a Waterfall, that we've been continually working toward one final theological goal and that we've finally figured it out. This is the secret. Here's how you MUST engage the Savior. For the most part, I think we've made great strides in understanding the gospels and who Christ is. What I don't like is the formulaicness (I believe if you can talk, you can coin words. Deal with it) of it all. I think a lot of the reason Jesus told parables was not to sum up the gospel in 4 nice little sentences so that people would know it and understand it, but to confuse the hell out of people (including his disciples) so that they were forced to engage the person of Jesus himself, not meet some list of criteria.

I, in recent history, have appreciated a spiral approach to the gospel, which, incidentally, McLaren (though conscious of it or not) used in one of his diagrams to show how the emergent church will move forward. Imagine a circle. On the left hand side is the word NORMALCY. The status quo, the way things are. As you move clockwise around the circle, the next word is DISCONTENT. Whenever things reach a stasis, inevitably something will come along that causes us to challenge that normalcy. We become discontent. This will lead to a CONVERSATION, where we find that people around us are not happy about the way things are either. This leads to the DECONSTRUCTION of the way things were previously understood (or misunderstood), taking us back to the essentials (and sometimes challenging the present essentials as in the case of a Marin Luther-esque reformer). Wrestling through these ideas and concepts lead to an AWAKENING or fresh perspective about how things can be viewed. This will lead to a BREAKTHROUGH in how life is lived, in how people are engaged, and sometimes in how Christ is engaged (thankfully). Eventually this new way of thinking or understanding becomes the status quo, the new norm, and we begin the entire cycle again at NORMALCY. Just think of the circle as not a circle, but instead a spiral.

I've always been amazed at how the church continually course-corrects itself. Almost any other institution will implode when opposing radical factions attempt control. The church has a way of getting a little too far off course and then coming back to the middle, although sometimes this may take a couple centuries for it to happen. I think we don't have to be scared of the emergent church, but to look honestly at some of the discontents that people have, the conversations that follow, and be willing to engage people where they are, with their full on doubts and concerns about God the Father. If nothing else, they are providing fresh perspectives and creative ideas to look at and evaluate, and course correct if necessary.

So back to my main point, are there centuries during this course correcting phase of the spiral where people who don't "think rightly about God" or "worship the image of God" (and here take image to mean not a statue or stained glass window as much as their perception of who God is) are eternally condemned for truly giving it their all, for trying their best. Is that really the God we serve? And what of the ones who say "Lord, Lord" and God replies, I never knew you, but God recognizes the ones who took compassion on the least of these? Sounds like it could potentially be more about social justice and being a good person than what I was raised to think (and here I'm not specifically referring to salvation as much as what engaging the person of Jesus really looks like, less about knowing an answer or formula and more about doing instead...)

We're gonna have to save some other stuff for another day, but with all that said, I believe that Jesus had to die on the cross as the Substitute for our sin. He taught a better way to live, without focusing on self, so that you can make the world a better place for it's and His sake, and also for your own. It is only through this work on the Cross that any man can come to know the Father. But like I said, these are the things that don't sit well with me. This is my way of engaging who Jesus is and who He said He is.

I've always liked how Isaac says, "All I know of me toward all I know of You," and wished it was a Bible verse. But it's not, and so I have to deal with the ramifications of what that means for my own personal doctrine. Tolstoy brings up a good point, though...(which hopefully makes sense without the preceding doctrinal support to back up this statement, from his book "The Kingdom of God is Within You")

"The progress toward perfection of the publican Zaccheus, of the woman that was a sinner, of the robber on the cross, is a greater state of blessedness, according to this doctrine, than the stationary righteousness of the Pharisee. The lost sheep is dearer than ninety-nine that were not lost. The prodigal son, the piece of money that was lost and found again, are dearer, more precious to God than those which have not been lost.

Every condition, according to this doctrine, is only a particular step in the attainment of inward and outward perfection, and therefore has no significance of itself. Blessedness consists in progress toward perfection; to stand still in any condition whatever means the cessation of this blessedness."

Regardless of the reality of these matters, I want to be someone who is making continual progress toward the person of Jesus, not remaining stagnant or standing still.

Where's the beef?...

It's with Brian McLaren and the emergent church movement.

Some of you are gonna think, "Great, he's gone fundamental on us." No, I've just read a lot and talk to a lot of people who know a thing or two--some who are even studiers (if that's a word) of pop-culture, so they're immersed in it and up to date on everything.

First off, Brian McLaren has called God a chick. Seriously? I don't care the context, that's a little blasphemous. He also doesn't see what the big deal about substitutionary atonement is. What the big deal about it?!?!?! It's only Jesus, son of God, putting his body up on a cross, allowing mockers, scorners, and even deserters kill him so that these people--if they choose to trust in him as their savior--might spend eternity with him in Heaven. But hey, Jesus dying for our sins isn't THAT big of a deal.

And what about Hell? He doesn't believe that Hell exists! But, you know what? If I didn't believe that Jesus died for my sins and I had a chance to spend eternity in Heaven, I wouldn't want to believe in a Hell either. Because then I would know where I was going.

Since I mentioned the emergent church, I guess I better say something about that. Their whole focus is social issues. Meeting people where they are, and loving them where they are. Did you catch that? I stopped at loving them where they are. The next step should be to bring them into a full understanding of who Christ is and what he did for them. We can't fix people's lives. We can't make people stop sinning. Heck, humans aren't even capable of not sinning--not without the Holy Spirit. The problem is, they don't want to cause conflict, but want everyone to live in harmony with one another. The only way to do that is to say that we're all doing our best, trying to live good moral lives. I'll help you where I can, you help me, and at the end of the day we'll have a group hug.

The big problem is that we've become a "soft" society. We're afraid to confront someone and tell them they're wrong. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So what do we do? "That's good if that works for you."

I agree. McLaren and his friends have said some "good things." But that's about it. Their theology is totally whack.

If you want to know where their thinking comes from--because it's in no way brand new--read some Schliermacher (the official Father of Liberalism) or Rousseau (read his Confessions, a response to Augustine's). They both claimed that the individual is inherently good, but it's society that ruins us. But what's society made up of? Think about that one.

I don't want anyone to think I'm angry, because I'm not. I just fear that our church is going to end up as a feel good mush of your thoughts on religion, my thoughts on religion, mix them together and we'll have a group thought on religion. Because one of the big points of the emergent church is that you're not allowed to talk about disagreements on religious stuff.

Anyway, any thoughts on this, good or bad, post them. Like I said, I'm not going all Fundy. I've just done some research and have taken a stance.

I am an atheist

Last saturday I was at an Emergent conference with Brian McLaren in Tampa for a couple hours.

Strange.

This was one of the worship songs. It may have been stranger live. There was a full on public responsive confession about being sorry for driving cars and putting concrete on God's green earth (and i'm sure almost everyone there used both of them in order to be at the conference).

It was weird not feeling comfortable participating in a worship service because I felt almost the opposite of what was being taught. With most doctrinal issues, I have a bit of respect and reverence for the tradition that landed them where they are, e.g., during the catholic service at the basilica in Cartago, I wanted to partcipate in the service as best I could.

I appreciate a lot of what the emergent church is bringing to the table and to the public's attenttion and some of the reforms they are seeking for Christendom, even though they would probably reject the term. After attending this conference, though, it was so bohemian and just plain weird that it really made me think a little more closely about the words I say during worship songs and responsive creeds. About not taking the Lord's name in vain--literally attaching no value to the words you are saying.