SOS...same old story.

Jesus, here I am. Again. After a day of fretting and worries, concern and control. Amazed yet again how I find it my responsibility to micromanage my own life--to figure things out for myself--to make things happen. After all--isn't that free will? Don't we chart our own course? Still here I sit, completely aware (in retrospect) of my need to relinquish my control of my own life and trust you. Trust is so hard these days. When did it become so hard to believe that what you want for/from me is best? so here I am. Again. One year later and the same story. A clean slate. No career. No direction. No ambition. no desire. No girl. No heart. No passion. No balls. A lot has changed but the story remains the same. Are you moving me somewhere? Is there reason to trust? I wish it was hard to trust because fundamentally I didn't think you could be trusted. Unfortunately that is not so. I just suck at trusting. I do believe you know what is best. I believe you have a plan. I just hold so tightly to my own--what I want and the way I want things to be. And so again, if only for this moment, I release my illusion of control and give my life back to you. I place my trust in Your will, in Your Word, in You. Give me strength of mind and discipline not to worry about Her. Grant me courage and resolve to follow to completion the task at hand that you have called me to. Let peace transcend. Renew my heart. Restore my desire. I trust. Give me patience to wait for your timing.